The characters of Theophrastus;

^r^Tp^g? ^■'

%.

The Characters of
Theophrastus

A 'Translation^ with Introduction

By

Charles E. Bennett

and

William A. Hammond

Professors in Cornell University

Longmans, Green, and Co.

91 and 93 Fifth Avenue, New York

London and Bombay

1902

Copyright y igo2, by / ^^^y

Longmans, Green, and Co.

All rights reserved

EDUC.

PSYCH.

LIBRARY

[October, 1902]

Tht Univtrsity Priss
Cambridge^ U. S. A.

ro

THOMAS DAT SEYMOUR

In Profound Esteem

Preface

THIS translation of The Char-
acters of Theophrastus is in-
tended not for the narrow
circle of classical philologists, but for
the larger body of cultivated persons
who have an interest in the past.

Within the last century only three
English translations o^'The Characters
have appeared; one by Howell (Lon-
don, 1824), another by Isaac Taylor
(London, 1836), the third by Pro-
fessor Jebb (London, 1870). All of
these have long been out of print, a
fact that seemed to justify the prep-
aration of the present work.

Preface

The text followed has been, in the
main, that of the edition published
in 1897 by the Leipziger Philolo-
gische Gesellschaft, A few coarse
passages have been omitted, and
occasionally a phrase necessary to
the understanding of the context has
been inserted. Apart from this the
translators have aimed to render the
original with as much precision and
fidelity as is consistent with English
idiom.

Charles E. Bennett.

William A. Hammond.

Ithaca, N.Y.,

August, 1902.

VIU

Contents

Page

Introduction xl

Epistle Dedicatory i

The Dissembler (l.y^ 4

The Flatterer (II.) 7

The Coward (XXV.) ii

The Over-zealous Man (IV.) ... 14

The Tactless Man (XII.) .... 16

The Shameless Man (IX.) .... 18

The Newsmonger (VIII.) 21

The Mean Man (X.) 24

The Stupid Man (XIV.) 27

The Surly Man (XV.) 29

The Superstitious Man (XVI.) ... 31

The Thankless Man (XVII.) ... 35

The Suspicious Man (XVIII.) ... 37

^ Numerals in parenthesis give the corresponding numbers
of the characters as published in the edition of the Leipziger
Philologische Gesellschaft.

ix

Contents

Page

The Disagreeable Man (XX.) ... 39

The Exquisite (XXI.) 41

The Garrulous Man (III.) .... 46

The Bore (VII.) 48

The Rough (VI.) 51

The Affable Man (V.) 54

The Impudent Man (XL) .... 56

The Gross Man (XIX.) 58

The Boor (IV.) 60

The Penurious Man (XXII.) ... 63

The Pompous Man (XXIV.) .... 66

The Braggart (XXIII.) 68

The Oligarch (XXVI.) 71

The Backbiter (XXVIII.) .... 74

The Avaricious Man (XXX.) ... 77

The Late Learner (XXVII.) ... 81

The Vicious Man (XXIX.) .... 84

Introduction

"XT THAT stories are new?"
^^ asks Thackeray, subtle
• " observer of men. .

" All types of all characters uity of ^^
march through all fables : Modern
tremblers and boasters ; vie- ^^^«^'^''-
tims and bullies ; dupes and
knaves ; long-eared Neddies, giving
themselves leonine airs ; TartufFes
wearing virtuous clothing; lovers
and their trials, their blindness, their
folly and constancy. With the very
first page of the human story do not
love, and lies too, begin ? So the
tales were told ages before ^sop ;
and asses under lions' manes roared
in Hebrew ; and sly foxes flattered
in Etruscan ; and wolves in sheep's
clothing gnashed their teeth in San-
scrit, no doubt. The sun shines
xi

Introduction

to-day as he did when he first began
shining; and the birds in the tree
overhead, while I am writing, sing
very much the same note they have
sung ever since there were finches.
There may be nothing new under
and including the sun ; but it looks
fresh every morning, and we rise
with it to toil, hope, scheme, laugh,
struggle, love, suffer, until the night
comes and quiet. And then will
wake Morrow and the eyes that look
on it; and so da capoTh All this is
very true ; the changes which may be
observed in human nature are small,
and the old types of Theophrastus
are all about us nowadays and really
look and act much the same as they
did to the eyes of the ancient Peri-
patetic. Offices and institutions have
somewhat changed, and many char-
acter-types due to new vocations
have come into being since then,
e,g, the newsboy, the bishop, the
reporter, the hotel-clerk, and the
xii

Introduction

jockey. But these are only accidents
of civilization, and the peculiarities

of office or the type of pro- Accidental

fessional character do not and Essen-
touch, the vital essence of '^'""^ '^^^^
human nature, although they may
modify its expression.
When one speaks of a coward, one
means an intrinsic quality in human
kind which is essentially the same
whether found in a hoplite or in a
modern infantryman, but which may
express itself differently in the two
cases. The types described by The-
ophrastus are types of such intrinsic
qualities, and his pictures of ancient
vices and weaknesses show men
much as we see them now. They
are not merely types of professions
or callings.

Apart from slight variations similarity
of local coloring and institu- creeland
tions, the descriptions of the Modern
old Greek philosopher might "^yP^^
apply almost as well to the present
xiii

Introduction

inhabitants of London or Boston as
to the Athenians of 300 b.c. Then,
as now, the flatterer plied his wily
trade, indulging in smooth compliment
of his hero's person or actions. " As#
he walks with an acquaintance, he
says : * Behold ! How the eyes of

all men are turned upon
Flatterer Y^^ ' There is not a man

in the city who enjoys so
much notice as yourself. Yesterday
your praises were the talk of the
Porch. While above thirty men
were sitting there together and the
conversation fell upon the topic :
" Who is our noblest citizen ? " they
all began and ended with your
name.' " " If his friend essay a jest,
the flatterer laughs and stuffs his^
sleeve into his mouth as though he|
could not contain himself." But
the flatterer of old could be subtle
too. " He buys apples and pears,
carries them to his hero's house, and
gives them to the children, and in
xiv

Introduction

the presence of their father he kisses
them, exclaiming : ' Chips of the old
block!*** and "while his talk is
directed to others in the company,
his eye is ever fixed upon his hero.** "
Then as now there existed the offi- W
cious man, always over-ready to
undertake the impossible or
to interfere in the affairs ]i'u?Man
of others. " At a banquet,
he forces the servants to mix more ^
wine than the guests can drink. If
he sees two men in a quarrel, he
rushes in between, even though he
knows neither one.** " If the doc-
tor leave instructions that no wine
be given the patient, he administers
'just a little,* on the plea that he
wants to set the sufferer right.'*
There existed, of course, then as now,
the tactless person, who " selects a
man's busiest hour for a The Tact-
lengthy conference, and who ^^^^ ^^"
sings love ditties under his sweet-
heart's window as she lies ill of a

XV

Introduction

fever." " At a wedding, he declaims
against womankind, and when a
friend has just finished a journey, he^
invites him to go for a walk." " If
he happens to be standing by when
a slave is flogged, he tells the story
of how he once flogged a slave of his,
who then went and hanged himself."
There was the mean man, too, who, •
if his servant broke a pot or plate, •
The Mean deducted its value from the
^^» poor fellow's rations. " He ,

permits no one to take a fig from his
garden or cross his field, or even to *
pick up windfalls under his fruit
trees. He forbids his wife to lend
salt or lamp-wicks or a pinch of cum-
min, marjoram, or meal, observing
that these trifles make a large sum
in a year."

There was also the thankless man
whose pessimism is so gloomy as to
The Thank- cloud all view of his bless-
less Man ings. " When a friend ;
has sent him something from his
xvi

Introduction

table, he says to the servant who
brings it : ' He grudged me a dish
of soup and a cup of wine, I sup-
pose, and so couldn't invite me tojr
dinner/ " " If he secures a slave at
a bargain after long dickering with
the owner, he says : ' I imagine I
have n't got much at this price/
And to the person who brings him
the glad tidings that a son is born to
him, he retorts, ' If you only add :
"And half your fortune's gone,"
you '11 hit it.' "

Then we have the man who is osten-*
tatious in trivial things. " When he •
has sacrificed an ox, he Fetty ,

winds the head and horns vanity
with fillets, and nails them up, oppo-
site the entrance of his house."
" When he parades with the cavalry
he gives all his accoutrements to his .
squire to carry home, and throwing
back his mantle stalks proudly about
the market-place in his spurs." M
When he is master of the prytany, .
b xvii

Introduction

he craves the privilege of announc-
ing to the people the result of the
sacrifice ; and as soon as he has
delivered to the people the momen-
tous intelligence that the sacrifice has
resulted well, he hies him home and
recounts his triumph to his wife in
an ecstasy of joy.

The foregoing are but illustrations
of the happy skill with which Theo-
phrastus has delineated a number of
character- types which are as universal
as human nature and know no limits
of age or of country. Here and
there we meet a type in the Greek
for which we have no exact counter-
part in our customary modern modes
of thought. Such a type may be
seen in Theophrastus*s " The Disa-
greeable Man," a person who seems
a sort of general nuisance with a
touch of the bore and the braggart.
As a rule, however, the types are
singularly like those we know to-day,
and it is not difficult at once to pro-

Introduction

vide them with appropriate modern
labels. The treatment, though al-
most invariably brief, is invariably-
vigorous and trenchant. With at
few bold strokes the character is)
drawn. There is absolutely no pre-i
tense of style, as we ordinarily under-'
stand it; yet each type is in its way)
a gem. Through them all runs that)
fidelity to truth which was the un-^
failing inspiration of all Greek art.'
It is this which makes The Charac-x
ters a unique creation and vindicates/
their position as a part of the world's
literature.

It is largely for this reason that these
slight sketches are here produced in
English.exhibitingasthevdo, _., „

L^ ^L -.u T^he Ear-

when we compare them with /^-^^^ ^^_
what we see around us, the es- tempt at
sential identity of human na- Character-
ture in ages widely separated '^^^ ^^^
from each other in time and manners.^

^ " I gather, too, from the undeniable testimony
of his [Aristotle's] disciple, Theophrastus, that

Introduction

There is, furthermore, an accidental
interest in the work of Theophrastus,>
due to the fact that it is the first re-J
corded attempt at systematic char-A
acter-writing. Characters, to be
sure, are portrayed in Homer and
in the tragedians, but they are in-i
cidental to the narrative or to the
; dramatic plot, whereas in Theo-
j phrastus the business is with the^
/ delineation of a character as such.
/ He tells us what a man does, simply •
S as an illustration of what he is, and
I this method of writing had a very
I ^^g intimate bearing on the evo-

infiuence lution of the New Comedy
ofTheo- under the leadership of Me-
\ p rastus nander. There is a tradition.

there were bores, ill-bred persons, and detractors
even in Athens, of a species remarkably correspond-
ing to the English, and not yet made endurable by
being classic ; and, altogether, with my present
fastidious nostril, I feel that I am the better off
for possessing Athenian life solely as an inodorous
fragment of antiquity."" George Eliot in Theo-
phrastus Such, p. 27, Cabinet Edition.
XX

Introduction

in fact, that Theophrastus was the
teacher of Menander, who in turn
furnished models for Terence in his
delineation of conventional drama-
tic types. The influence of Theo- .
phrastus was further directly and |
potently exerted on the so-called
character-writers of the seventeenth!
century in England and France. The I
simple methods of these character-
writers and their uninvolved sketches \
were succeeded by the more elaborate \
art of the novelists, in whose works ,
individuals rather than types are de-
scribed by exhibiting their develop-
ment in long periods of time and
under great diversity of circum-
stances.

We have little information as to
the personal history of Theophrastus,
beyond what we learn from The Youth
the extant fragments of his ofTheo-
wri tings and from the meagre P^^^^^^^
biography of Diogenes of Laerte.
He was born at Eresus, a village on
xxi

Introduction

the island of Lesbos, in 371 b.c,
and his father was one Melantas, a
fuller by trade. He first went to
school to Alcippus in his native
island, but afterwards travelled to
Athens, the intellectual metropolis,
and became a pupil of Plato at the
Academy, with whom he appears to
have studied until the Master's death.
Theophrastus was then in his twenty-
fifth year. At that time he attached
himself to Aristotle, who was some
twelve years his senior and who had
also been a member of the Academy,
until Plato died scribens. During
the twelve years which elapsed from
the death of Plato until Aristotle
cj-f^g^_ established the new school
phrastus of the Lyceum {\n23S ^-^O?
and Theophrastus was probably

with his new leader, at least
part of the time, in Stagira or at the
Macedonian court, where the youth-
ful Alexander was under the tutorial
discipline of Aristotle. Theophrastus
xxii

Introduction

was an intimate friend of Callisthenes,
the unfortunate fellow-student and
companion of Alexander, and it is
probable that the two studied to-
gether at Pella. The story is told
that Aristotle, in speaking of these
two pupils, said: "Callisthenes
needs a spur, but Theophrastus,^
a bridle." Many years later, when
Aristotle was dead and Cassander
(see Character VII.) had gained
control of Alexander's throne, Theo-
phrastus was invited to an office at
the court where he had spent his
student days, and Ptolemy Soter,
Cassander's political ally, sent him
an invitation to the court of Egypt,
But he declined these calls into the
social and political world, and main-
tained steadfastly his devotion to phi-
losophy.

1 The original name of Theophrastus, according
to tradition, was Tyrtamus, but owing to his di-
vine speech Aristotle gave him the name which
has come down to us.

Introduction

It was a fashion for the rectors or
presidents of the great schools of
Theo- Athens, such as the Cyno-
phrastus sarges, the Academy, and the
Chosen by Lyceum, before their death

Aristotle , ^u *

to be ^° name their successors m

President officc. And SO when Aris-
of^h^ totle was asked who should
yceum gucceed him in the presidency
of the Lyceum, tradition tells of the
delicate way in which he left record
of his wish. His two most distin-
guished pupils were Theophrastus
of Lesbos and Eudemus of Rhodes.
Aristotle replied to the question as to
his successor by asking for two sorts
of wine, — Lesbian and Rhodian.
After tasting of them he said: "They
are both excellent ; but the Lesbian
is the sweeter." Thereby it was
known that he had decided in favor
of Theophrastus, who on the death
of Aristotle (322 b.c.) succeeded to
the presidency of the L^xeum, over
which he continued to preside for
xxiv

Introduction

thirty-five years. His administration
was one of almost unparalleled suc-
cess. Diogenes Laertius reports that
two thousand students thronged to
him. Although not born at Athens,
he was one of the most popular and
beloved members of that somewhat
exclusive community. This is il-
lustrated by the story of Agonides,
who preferred against him a charge of
atheism, — a charge similar to that
which brought Socrates to martyrdom
and drove Aristotle into exile and
caused his early death ; but instead
of injuring Theophrastus, Agonides
narrowly escaped paying a fine for
his folly. Amongst his contempo-
raries Theophrastus was a great per-
sonal force by reason of his amiable
character, his charities and lavish
benefactions, the amenity of neath of
his manners, his great eru- 'theo-
dition, and gifts of oratory. P^^'^'^^'
He died in 287 B.C. in the eighty-
fifth year of his age, and Diogenes

XXV

Introduction

Laertius says that " the whole pop-
ulation of Athens, honoring him
greatly, followed him to the grave."
Theophrastus was one of the great-
est polygraphs of antiquity. Two
His Writ- hundred and twenty-seven
ingsand works^ are attributed to him.
Gentus npj^g range of his learning is
similar to that of Aristotle's, with the
emphasis laid rather more strongly
on the side of natural science. His
genius, however, is not marked by
Aristotle's profundity. He served
his age rather as a great popular-
izer of science ; he was not an
originator of epoch-making ideas or
theories. Yet as a local and popu-
lar force he surpassed Aristotle.
His influence on subsequent ages,
however, is less marked. Of the
227 works (containing 232,908 lines)

1 The following treatises are extant, either entire
or in considerable parts: 0« Sensation^ i bk. ; On
Smells^ I bk. ; Moral Characters^ i bk. j History
of Plants y 2 bks.

xxvi

Introduction

attributed to Theophrastus, frag-
ments of nine only are now ex-
tant, excluding certain insignificant
remains.

It is doubtless true, however, that
he influenced his own time as much
by his administrative ability in the
conduct of the Lyceum and by
his oral utterances as by his written
treatises. His prodigious industry
was no doubt partially inspired by
Aristotle as well as by the swift,
stirring movement of the age immedi-
ately preceding and following the
death of Alexander, in which his liter-
ary manhood was passed. " Time,"
he says, " is the most valuable thing
a man can spend." He expressed
his sense of the value of order in the
apothegm : " Better trust a horse
without bridle than a discourse with-
out arrangement." His estimate of
oral converse at table is recorded in
a rather brusque and un-Athenian
remark said to have been made by
xxvii

Introduction

him to a silent neighbor at dinner :
" Sir, if you are an ignorant man,
your conduct shows wisdom ; but if
you are a wise man, you act like a
fool." The genuinely kind character
of Theophrastus, however, is amply
illustrated by the provisions
of his will, which evidences
also his very considerable wealth.
He had inherited from Aristotle the
largest private library then known.
This library, to which he had him-
self made notable additions, he
bequeathed to Neleus, his nephew
(Theophrastus never married), and by
Neleus it was taken to Asia Minor,
where it was hidden in a cellar to
avoid the rapacity of the agents of
the Attalid dynasty, who were seiz-
ing all available books for the Royal
Library at Pergamon. And hereby
hangs the curious old story of the loss
of Aristotle's works for one hundred
and fifty years, until they were redis-
covered, worm eaten, in the cellar of
xxviii

Introduction

Neleus at Scepsis. A Museum, —
temple of the muses, — had been built
by Theophrastus as the home of the
Lyceum. In his will he provided
that this should be maintained and
beautified, that statues of the illustri-
ous dead (particularly of Aristotle)
should be completed, for which com-
missions had already been given to
the renowned sculptor Praxiteles ;
further, that tablets with maps of the
world engraved on them should be
erected in the lower colonnade. In
acknowledgment of the claims of re-
ligion, he also directed that an altar
should be placed there. He devised
the garden, promenade, and houses
adjoining the garden to the joint con-
trol of Hipparchus, Neleus, Strato,
and their successors, as a trust, en-
joining that a school of philosophy
should be maintained in them, and
that the property should never be
alienated from this purpose nor
claimed as private possession. After
xxix

Introduction

piously making provision for certain
friends and the support of faithful
attendants, he further directed that
he should be buried in the school
garden without unnecessary expense
or ceremony.

Theophrastus is more generally
known for his character sketches than
<ffig for his scientific work, al-
Char- though his treatises on bot-
acters ^^^ represented the highest
attainments made by science in that
field during antiquity and the Middle
Ages. The treatise here translated
(tjOlkol xapaK:Ti7/D€9) sets forth thirty
types of character striking to the
A Frap- Greek mind. They are
mentfrom probably a fragment or ex-
a Larger ^j-act made by some epitoma-
tor rrom a larger treatise
which was suggested by the abstract
ethical analyses of Aristotle, as
exhibited in the Nicomachean Ethics^
and by the concrete dramatic repre-
sentations of the New Comedy. The

Introduction

stage suggests the form, and Aris-
totle's treatise the content. The^l
represent nioraland„„!iocial defects I
and weaknesses, though not revolting
vices', i)ut tHey' do this in a Mimetic
mimetic way by exhibiting Delinea-
persons as acting or speaking. ^''^J/
Theophrastus was a con- and So-
temporary of Philemon and cial De-
Menander, and his life was -^^^'"^
spent in the era of the revival of com-
edy and the elaboration of current
moral types for humorous presenta-
tion on the stage. So the characters of
Theophrastus are, as it were, dramatis
■personae of his time. Ha-^CLW^ ^s
how a given type of man speaks and)
acXs^,;,, the dramatization of his charac-
ters would require scarcely anything'
more than stage setting. His por-|
trayal is not satire, but imitation ; notj
caricature, but realistic delin- „ ,.

r 1 • r TV /r Realism |

eation from lire. Moreover,
this description of generic types rather ^
than of individuals belongs to the
xxxi

Introduction

literary fashion of his age. Looked
at from this mimetic point of view,
The Characters of Theophrastus are
historically all the more important,
because our knowledge of Menander,
the " tenth muse," is so meagre, rest-
ing, as it does, upon scanty Greek
fragments and a few Latin adap-
tations.

These thirty sketches at the be-
ginning of the post-classical age
Greek ^o not represent, properly
Notion of Speaking, vices, and yet they^
^^" were vices to the mind of the\

Greek, who measured his morality
largely by the canons of good form.
Any violation of good taste or breachi
of courtesy was morally vicious, i
The disposition was to maintain ini
close unity the natures of beauty andl
goodness (fcaX o/cdy a^ta) ; moderns
discriminate sharply between the aes-»^
thetic and the moral. The social
virtues of gentle breeding and the^
graces of politeness toward their'
xxxii

Introduction

fellow men had for the classical.
Greeks an ethical nature, as is wit-/
nessed in Aristotle's Ethics, Man-
ners and morals were not sundered.
What we call a social weakness, or de- V
feet, or boorish crudity, Theophrastus '|
called a vice. It is necessary to bear ;
this in mind when one reads the
" moral characters," ^ as they are called
in the Greek title.

/•Amongst these characters there are

ino virtues, and one may ask : Why
is it that in his portrayal of virtues

^ypes Theophrastus has al- not Delin-
together omitted any descrip- ^^^^^

^tion of good men ? The answer is
not to be found in the supposition
that such characters were originally
included in the work, but have since
perished. The real ground for the
omission is probably to be discovered

* A character (xapda-a-flu "to engrave") Is the in-
dividuality which is engraved by habits and temper-
ament on a man or group of men, and in a literary
sense (as used by Theophrastus) it is the verbal
delineation of this individuality.
^ xxxiii

Introduction

in the nature of the conditions under
which Theophrastus wrote. These,
as we have already indicated, were
closely connected with the develop-
ment of the New Comedy. The
portrayal of a good character may be
edifying, and may serve the conditions
of tragedy, but it does not suit the
purposes or surroundings of the
comic stage, where the ludicrous
elements of weak, eccentric, or faulty
personalities are the materials em-
ployed. The aim of TheophrastusS
is both to amuse^aiid to instruct, but[
his instruction is given by exposing
to ridicule certain faults which he
elevates into the striking tangibility j
of concrete character. The serious
T:he Sub- ^ig^i^Y ^^^ excellence of the
ject-matter good man, while it may suit
°f^^^ the heroic conditions of the

Sketches • ^i r

epic, the grave purpose or

tragedy, or the aims of moral allegory,

offers no material for such sketches

as these. Theophrastus has no con-

xxxiv

Introduction

cern either with the grossly immoral
or with the helplessly weak ; the
former awaken only disgust and hate,
while the latter stir only feelings of
pity, and neither of these emotions
can be kept active in the true art of
comedy. Rightly speaking, the art
of Theophrastus has to do only with
folly or with such eccentricities and
weaknesses as have a humorous
aspect. And it is only moral im-
perfections of this sort that we
actually find in ^he Characters,
As to the serious function of instruc-~^
tion which Theophrastus no doubt
aims to combine with that /^/^/^^/^^^
of entertainment, there is no an instru-
more skilful mode of indue- ^entofin-
ing moral betterment than ^'''"^''^''
the discovery and exposure of the
ludicrous. Most men would rather
incur the charge of immorality than
be exposed to the belittling laugh or
derision of a community ; they would
rather be rogues than fools. The por-

XXXV

Introduction

trait-painter of moral life makes use
of the ludicrous when he desires to
catch the popular attention, and there
is nothing, one may safely say, that
makes society at large prick up its
ears and fall to gossiping so much as
a satire in which some well-known
person is subjected to ridicule. \
Moral folly is much the same every-
where ; it is only the fooFs costume

that changes in different
Folh countries. The folly of the

miser is seen in his cheating
himself of the real goods of life and in
robbing himself of the respect of his
fellows ; the folly of the coward, in
gaining personal safety by losing rep-
utation for manliness ; the folly of
the flatterer, in his shallow self-serving
which men see through, while they
nudge their fellows and laugh at his
weakness ; the folly of the vain man,
in the way in which he assumes im-
pressive proportions to his own mag-
nifying eye, while to others his per-
XXX vi

Introduction

sonality looks as small as it is; the folly
of the tactless man, in consulting his
own convenience rather than his
neighbor's, whereby he becomes a
butt for his gaucherie ; the folly of
the boor, in his trampling awkwardly
on the established usages of the polite
world and thereby drawing upon him-
self the smilingly derisive attention
of all observers. Throughout the
list these characters represent some
type of social foible or folly.
In regard to the literary art of Theo-
phrastus, as exhibited in these
sketches, it must be looked q-^g ^/^^^_
at from the standpoint of an ary Art of
innovation in Greek letters ; '^^"'
it is rare that any man both
begins and perfects an art. There |
is nothing in the world so interest-
ing as a character, but there is also .
nothing that is so difficult to portray «
briefly. Theophrastus was an acute
observer_and he was a plain realist.!
Hisart consists in the truthfulness
xxxvii

Introduction

\

of his vision and in the direct sim-
plicity with which he gives it expres-
sion. He does not seek to create
a laugh by exaggeration or by the
trick of a ludicrous situation that has
no moral significance. /His art is i
not possible without wit, keenness,
and fineness of feeling./ There is no,
exhibition of the satirist's lash; but
his criticism is made with that geni-i
ality which is more telling than the
severest invective. VThese are not
individual portraits, y They lack,'
therefore, the detailed finish of such
a portrait as is given in the much- 1
elaborated modern novel with its
varied facilities for exhibiting the in-
dividuality of one or several persons.
■^On the contrary, these are merely
outline sketches, ^as Theophrastus
himself calls them, and are descrip-
tive of a class, not of an individual, r
A simple line, however, does not
constitute a sketch ; to exhibit a
character, the sketch must not only
xxxviii

Introduction

^^^S^3-L)y^^om^\^t^, The coward, ^^
e, g.y is sketched in his fear at sea,
where his timid imagination invents
dangers, and he wishes to be put
ashore ; he is sketched on the field
of battle, where he tries to impress
his comrades by a courage that he
does not feel ; but when he hears the
shouts of war and sees the soldiers
fall, he shrinks faint-hearted to his
tent and there searches for the sword
he has himself hid ; and again when
the danger is over he resumes his
bold exterior and proclaims his daring
rescue of a comrade. We have here
a pictorial sketch which, with its life
and action, appeals to the reader^s
eye. The coward is shown from
various points of view, always in new^
lights, but he is always the coward.
The canons of this species of literary
art may_ be summarized as 7-^^

follows '^U — Faithfulness to Canons of

reality: The character must ^^^ ^^^
be an accurate report of nature
xxxix

Introduction

I and not a caricature. It must be
y executed in the spirit of realism.
2. — Brevity : It must be slight and )
swift, essentially of the nature of a
sketch. 3. — Humor: It must have
the sprightliness of statement that
amuses while it instructs. 4. — -Type :
It must be illustrative of a generic
or typical fault. In other words,
the character must give embodiment
to some fault that touches human
nature in an essential and universal
way. 5. — Concreteness : The fault as
an abstraction must be translated by /
the artist's power into a concrete per-
sonal form. The foible must be
revealed in a genre picture of a living
personality.

Since Theophrastus, this form of
character-writing has been cultivated^
Imitators ^^ various times^but it flour-
of Theo- ished most amongst the
phrastut ^linQj. essayists of the seven- \
teenth century .>^ It is of too slight a
nature in itself to make a serious im-
xl

Introduction

pression on any literary epoch. It
suited, however, the temper of the
seventeenth century, as the sprightly
essay possessing no serious depth and
aiming to touch life at many points.
The chief imitators of Theophrastus
and exponents of character-writing
at this time were Bishop Hall, Bish-
op Earle, Sir Thomas Overbury,
Nicholas Breton, Samuel Butler, and
La Bruyere. Bishop Hall, contrary
to the example of Theophrastus, in-
cludes virtues as well as vices in hisV
book entitled Characters of Vertues
and Vices (London, 1608). In the
general structure of his composition
he follows the model of Theophras-
tus closely. In the description of\
vices, however, he is much more'
entertaining than in his sketches of
virtues, which are rather homilies
and, as the panegyrics of a tedious
preacher, provoke one to yawn. Vir- »
tue is not fitting material for this /
species of writing. The brilliant
xli

Introduction

but ill-starred Sir Thomas Overbury,
in his Characters or Witty Descrip-
tions of the Properties of Sundry Per-
sons (London, 1614; went through
eighteen editions), departs from
the usage of Theophrastus in depict-
ing for the most part amusing acci-
dents of character and humorous
peculiarities of trades and pro-
fessions. Bishop Earle, on the other
hand, in his Micro-cosmographie
(London, 1628) confined his character
delineation to mores hominum, to ethi-
cal types of men as such, in a spirit
similar to that of his Greek model.
The best known of all the imitators
of Theophrastus, if he can be called
, „ , an imitator at all, is La Bru-
yere, m his Les car ac teres ou
les mceurs de ce siecle (Paris, 1688).
The caracteres of La Bruyere are
really satires on certain thinly dis-
guised contemporaries of his own
and are executed in a spirited method
totally different from that of Theo-
xlii

Introduction

phrastus, but to which a translation
of T^he Characters of Theophrastus
is added. La Bruyere was a lover
of the ancient classics, although his
translation or paraphrase was hardly-
more than a pretext for writing down
his own description of the manners
of his time. It furnished him, per-
haps, the first suggestion and the
first impulse to the portrayal of the
vices and weaknesses of his contem-
poraries on a much larger scale than
Theophrastus had attempted.

xliii

A

Character^ of

Theophra^tu^

Epistle Dedicatory

Theophrastus to Polycles:

MANY a time ere now I have
stopped to think and won-
der,— I fancy the marvel
will never grow less, — why it is
that we Greeks are not all one
in character, for we have the same
climate throughout the country,
and our people enjoy the same
education. I have studied human
nature a long time, my dear Poly-
cles, for I have lived nine and
ninety years ; ^ I have conversed
with many men of divers char-

^ This dedication is now thought to be spurious.
The Characters were probably written in
319 B.C., at which time Theophrastus was
not more than fifty-three years of age.
I I

Characters of Theophrastus

acters, and have been at great
pains to observe both good and
bad. I have fancied, therefore,
I ought to set down in writing
how men live and act. I shall
describe their characters, each after
its kind, and show you their be-
setting weaknesses. I dare say,
Polycles, our children will be the
better, if we leave them me-
morials of this sort ; and as they
study these patterns of good -^ and
ill, they will elect, I think, to live
and hold communion with men
of the highest type. In this
way they will strive to maintain
the level of the highest. I turn
now to my task. Yours it is to
follow me and see if what I say
is true. I begin my book with
a description of the Dissemhlery

* This allusion to patterns of good men is a further
proof of the spurlousness of the Epistle Dedi-
catory, no such types seem to have been
written by Theophrastus. See Introduction,

Characters of Theophrastus

omitting any preface and details
about the word. And first of
all I shall lay down a definition
of dissembling, and with this in
view shall describe the dissembler
in his character and manner of
life, exhibiting in such clearness,
as I can, his various traits.

Characters of Theophrastus

I The Dissembler

(^Elpcovela)

DISSEMBLING, generally
speaking, is an affectation,
whether in word or action,
V intended to make things seem
' other than they really are. The
dissembler is a man, for instance,
who accosts his enemies and en-
gages readily in talk with them,
to show that he bears no grudge,
and who praises to their faces
the very men he slanders behind
their backs ; and when these lose
a suit at court, he professes sym-
pathy for their misfortune. When
men malign him, or the opposi-
tion 's loud, he is ever ready with
forgiveness.
When others have suffered such ill-
treatment as to have just cause
for indignation, his comments on
their wrongs are couched in non-
4

Characters of Theophrastus

committal terms. And when a
man is anxious to have an inter-
view with him, he bids him come
again, pretending that he has
just reached home, that the hour
is late, or that his health is too
feeble to bear the strain.

He never admits anything he is
doing, but at most will say that
he is considering it. When a
friend would borrow of him, or
would solicit his contribution, he
says "Business is dreadfully dull";
though at other times, when
business is really dull, he re-
ports a thriving trade. If he has
received a bit of news, he will
not admit he has heard it; and
when he has witnessed an occur-
rence, he will not admit he
has seen it ; or if he does ad-
mit it, he protests he can't re-
call it. And of one matter, he
says he will examine it ; of an-
5

Characters of Theophrastus

other, that he does n't know ; of
others, that he is amazed ; of yet
others, that he had thought of that
himself before. In short, he is a
master of phrases like these : " I
can't believe it"; "I fail to com-
prehend"; "I 'm dumfounded";
"By your account the fellow has
become a different man " ; " He
certainly did n't tell me that " ;
"The thing's improbable"; "Tell
that to the marines!" ; "I'm at a
loss how I can either doubt your
story or condemn my friend " ;
" But see whether you 're not too
credulous."

Characters of Theophrastus

II "The Flatterer

F

LATTERY is a cringing sort
of conduct that aims to pro-
mote the advantage of the
flatterer. The flatterer is the
kind of man who, as he walks
with an acquaintance, says : " Be-
hold ! how the people gaze at
you ! There is not a man in
the city who enjoys so much no-
tice as yourself. Yesterday your
praises were the talk of the Porch.
While above thirty men were sit-
ting there together and the con-
versation fell upon the topic :
' Who is our noblest citizen ? '
they all began and ended with
your name." As the flatterer
goes on talking in this strain he
picks a speck of lint from his
hero's cloak ; or if the wind has
lodged a bit of straw in his locks,
7

Characters ofTheophrastus

he plucks it off and says laugh-
ingly, " See you ? Because I
have not been with you these
two days, your beard is turned
gray. And yet if any man has
a beard that is black for his years,
it is you."

While his patron speaks, he bids
the rest be silent. He sounds
his praises in his hearing and
after the patron's speech gives
the cue for applause by " Bravo ! "
If the patron makes a stale jest,
the flatterer laughs and stuffs his
sleeve into his mouth as though
he could not contain himself.^

If they meet people on the street,
he asks them to wait until master
passes. He buys apples and
pears, carries them to his hero's

/ 1 " A piece of witte bursts him with an overflow-
ing laughter, and hee remembers it for you
to all companies." Earle's Micro-cosmo-
graphie^ *< The Flatterer.*'
8

Characters of Theophrastus

house and gives them to the
children, and in the presence of
the father, who is looking on, he
kisses them, exclaiming : " Bairns
of a worthy sire ! " When the
patron buys a pair of shoes, the
flatterer observes : " The foot is
of a finer pattern than the boot " ;
if he calls on a friend, the flatterer
trips on ahead and says : " You
are to have the honor of his visit ** ;
and then turns back with, " I have
announced you." Of course he
can run and do the errands at the
market in a twinkle.

Amongst guests at a banquet he is
the first to praise the wine and,
doing it ample justice, he ob-
serves : " What a fine cuisine you
have ! " He takes a bit from
the board and exclaims : " What
a dainty morsel this is ! " Then
he inquires whether his friend is
chilly, asks if he would like a
9

Characters of Theophrastus

wrap put over his shoulders, and
whether he shall throw one about
him. With these words he bends
over and whispers in his ear.
While his talk is directed to the
rest, his eye is fixed on his patron.
In the theatre he takes the cush-
ions from the page and himself
adjusts them for the comfort of
the master. Of his hero's house
he says : " It is well built" ; of
his farm : " It is well tilled " ; and
of his portrait : "It is a speak-
ing image."

lo

Characters of Theophrastus

III "The Coward

c

OWARDICE is a certain
shrinking of the heart. A
coward is a man who, as he
sails along, imagines that the cliiFs
in the distance are pirate ships ;
if the waves are high, he asks if
there's anybody in the ship's
company who has not been initi-
ated into the mysteries.^ He bends
over toward the helmsman and
inquires whether he intends to
keep to the high sea, and what
he thinks of the weather ; and to
his companion says that he is in
terror in consequence of a dream
he has had ; and he takes oiF his
tunic and gives it to his slave,
and begs to be set on shore.

1 Apparently the reference is to the Samothra-
cian mysteries, initiation in which was thought
to ensure protection at sea in time of danger.
II

Characters of Theophrastus

In a campaign, when the infantry-
march forth, he bids his comrades
stand by him and look sharp,
urging the importance of finding
out whether yonder object be the
foe or not. When he hears the
sound of battle, and sees men
fall, he says to those about him
that, in his haste, he has forgotten
to take his sword ; then he runs
back to his tent, sends his servant
out and bids him see where the
enemy are ; meanwhile he hides
his weapon^ under his pillow,
and then wastes a long time hunt-
ing for it. While in his tent,
seeing one of his companions
brought wounded from the field,
he runs out, bids the fellow
" Cheer up ! '' and lends a hand
to carry the stretcher. And then

* The sight of a sword wounds him more sen-
sibly than the stroke, for before that comes
hee is dead already." Earle's Micro-cosmo-
graphie^ "The Coward.''

12

Characters of Theophrastus

he stays to tend the sufferer,
washes his wounds, and sits by
his side driving away the flies, —
anything but fight the enemy.

When the trumpeter sounds the
signal for a fresh onset, he ex-
claims as he sits in his tent :
" Plague take him ! He won't let
the poor fellow get to sleep with
his eternal bugling." Then, stain-
ing himself with blood from the
other's wound, he meets the
troops as they return from battle,
and pretending to have been in
the thick of the fight, he ex-
claims, " I Ve saved a comrade ! "

■^ And then he takes his demesmen
and tribesmen Into the tent, and
assures each one of them that he
himself brought the wounded
man to the tent with his own

hand

13

Characters of Theophrastus

IV TheOver-zealousMan

(TlepLepyta')

o

VER-ZEALOUSNESS is
an excess in saying or do-
ing,— with good intentions,
of course. The over-zealous man
is one who gets up in public and
engages to do things which he can-
not perform. In cases where no
doubt exists in the mind of any one
else, he raises some objection —
only to be refuted.

At a banquet, he forces the ser-
vants to mix more wine than the
guests can drink. If he sees two
men in a quarrel, he strives to
part them though he knows
neither one. Leaving the main
road he leads his friends upon
a by-path and presently cannot
find his way. He accosts his
commander and inquires when he
14

Characters of Theophrastus

is going to draw up the troops
for battle, and what orders he
intends to issue for day after
to-morrow.

He goes and tells his father that
his mother is already asleep in
her chamber. If the doctor gives
instructions that no wine be given
a patient, he administers "just a
little," on the plea that he wants
to set the sufferer right. And
when a woman dies, he has
carved on the tombstone her
husband's name, and her father's
and her mother's, along with the
woman's own name and her
native place, and adds : " Worthy
people, all of them." In court,
as he takes the oath, he remarks
to the by-stand ers, " I have done
this many a time before."

n

Characters of Theophrastus

V The Tactless Man

TACTLESSNESS is the fac-
ulty of hitting a moment
that is unpleasant to the
persons concerned. The tactless
man is the sort of person who
selects a man's busy hour to go
and confer with him. He sere-
nades his sweetheart when she has
a fever. If an acquaintance has
just lost bail-money on a friend,
he hunts him up and asks him
to be his surety. After a verdict
has been rendered he appears at
the trial to give evidence. At a
wedding where he is a guest
he declaims against womankind.

When a friend has just finished a

long journey he invites him to

go for a walk. He has a faculty

for fetching a higher bidder for

i6

Characters- of Theophrastus

an article after it has been sold ;
and in a group of companions he
gets up and explains from the be-
ginning a story which the others
have just heard and have com-
pletely understood. He is anx-
ious to give himself the trouble to
do what nobody wants done, and
yet what nobody likes to decline.

When men are in the midst of
religious offerings and are making
outlay of money, he goes to
collect his interest. If he hap-
pens to be standing by when a
slave is flogged, he tells the
story of how he once flogged a
slave, who then went away and
hanged himself. If he is arbitra-
tor in a dispute, he sets both con-
testants by the ears just at the
moment when they are ready to
settle their difi^erences. When
he wants to dance he takes a
partner who is not yet merry.

2 17

Characters of Theophrastus

VI The Shameless Man

s

HAMELESSNESS may be
defined as contempt for de-
cency, joined with meanness
of purpose. Your shameless
fellow is one who robs a man and
then returns to borrow money of
him. He sacrifices a victim to
the gods, and instead of making
Hs supper from it, he salts the
meat down and then gets a meal
at the house of a friend. He
calls a servant, and, taking bread
and meat from the table, says in
a voice that all can hear ; *' Try
that, Tibios ! '*

When he goes to market, he re-
minds the butcher of all the
patronage he has given him,
and as he stands by the scales,
throws in an extra piece, if he
iS

Characters of Theophrastus

can, or if not, a soup-bone. If
he secures these, he rests con-
tent. If he fails, he snatches
a piece of tripe from the bench
and makes off with it laugh-
ing. He buys theatre tickets
for friends that are staying in
town and goes along with them
to the performance, but does
, not contribute his share of the
expense ; and the next day you '11
find him taking his children and
their tutor, too.

When anybody has found a bargain
in any line, he demands to have
a share. He goes to the neigh-
bors and borrows barley, or some-
times even bran, and actually
endeavors to make those who
lend him these articles deliver
them at his house. A favorite
trick of his is to march up to the
tubs in a private bath-house,
draw a bucket of warm water,
19

Characters of "Theophrastus

dash it over his head, despite the
loud protests of the attendant,
and then say, as he leaves :
" That *s a good bath ; no thanks
to you ! "

20

Characters of Theophrastus

VII The Newsmonger

(AoyoTToiia)

N

EWSMAKING is the con-
coction of false stories of
what people say and do, at
the gossip's caprice. The news-
monger is one who straightway
strikes an attitude and assumes
a smiling air when he meets a
friend, and asks : " Where have
you been ? What news ? How
is the situation ? Have you any
fresh word about it ? " and then
going straight on, he asks : "Is
there no later report ? Well ! the
current rumors are good."

And without letting his friend reply,
he keeps right on : " What ! you
have n't heard a word about it !
Then I think I have a feast of
news for you." He always has
in readiness some unheard-of sol-

21

Characters of Theophrastus

dier or a slave belonging to one
Asteus, a piper, or Lycon, an
obscure contractor, just back from
the battle-field; and it is from
one of these that he has heard
the tidings. The authorities for
his reports are of the sort that
you can never get hold of Such
are the men he quotes when he
tells how Polyperchon and the
king carried the day and Cas-
sander was taken prisoner.

If anybody asks : "Do you believe
this?" he replies, "Why the
story is noised all about the city,
is constantly gaining ground, and
the whole population is of one
mind ; everybody is agreed about
the battle ; it must have been
a regular Death's feast.** He
reads a proof of it too in the
faces of men in authority ; for
they all wear a changed look.
He says he overheard that a man

22

Characters of Theophrastus

had come from Macedonia who
knows the whole history of the
battle, and that he has been con-
cealed now five days in a house
with the authorities. There is a
convincing pathos in his voice —
you can imagine it ! — as he tells
his story and exclaims : " Luck-
less Cassander ! ^ ill-starred hero !
Lo ! the fickleness of fortune !
Vain it was that he rose to power.
But what I say is strictly between
ourselves." Then he trips off
and repeats the story to every
man in town.

^ Cassander, the son of Antipater (died 319
B.C.) became Involved in a struggle with
Polyperchon, whom Antipater on his death-
bed had appointed regent. Cassander met
with many reverses, but finally (301 B.C.)
secured undisputed possession of Macedonia
and Greece.

23

Characters of Theophrastus

VIII The Mean Man

{MiKpoXoyLo)

M

EANNESS is undue spar-
ing of expense. The mean
man is the sort of person
who will go to a creditor's hous€
and demand a half-penny interest
before the month is up. At
dinner he counts the glasses each
guest drinks, and amongst his
fellow banqueters he pours the
smallest offering to Artemis.

He counts up the price a friend pays
for a cheap purchase, exclaiming
that it takes his last penny. I£^
servant breaks a pot or plate he
deducts its value from his rations.
If his wife has lost a three-farth-
ing piece, he turns the furniture,
beds, and cupboards round and
round, and hunts between the
boards of the floor. When he
24

Characters of Theopbrastus

has anything to sell he puts the
price so high that the buyer gets
no bargain. Jie^-permits no one
to take a fig from his garden or
to cross his field, or even pick up
an olive or a date that has fallen
to the ground. He examines
his boundary marks every day
to see thaflhey"h'ave not been
touched.

And he is always ready in case of
default to use the right of seizure
and to collect compound interest.
When he gives a banquet to his
townsmen he cuts the meat in
small pieces and sets a portion
before each guest. He goes to
market, but buys nothing. He
forbids his wife to lend salt or a
lamp^wick or a pinch of cum-
min, marjoram, or meal, a fillet
or a sacrificial wafer, observing
that these trifles make a large
sum in the course of a year.
25

Characters of Theophrastus

In a word, one may see that the
mean man's money chest is
mouldy from being unopened,
the key rusty, his cloak too scant
to reach his thigh ; that he uses
a mean little oil jar, has his hair
cropped to the scalp ; he does
not wear his boots until midday,
and charges the fuller to use
plenty of earth on his coat to
keep it from soon getting soiled
aeain.

26

s

characters of Theophrastus

IX The Stupid Man

(^Kvatcr6r)(TLa)

TUPIDITY one may define
as sluggishness in what a man
says or does. The stupid
man computes a sum, sets down
the total, and then asks his neigh-
bor: "How much does it all
make ? '* When he is defendant
in a suit and should go to court,
he forgets all about it and puts
off to his farm. When he goes
to a play at the theatre he is the
only spectator that is left behind
on the benches asleep. He gets
up in the night to go out, after
he has gorged himself, and is
bitten by the neighbor's dog.
He takes a thing and puts it away,
but when he comes to look for it
he cannot find it. If the death
of a friend is announced to him
that he may go to the funeral,
27

Characters of Theophrastus

with a sorrowful air and tears in
his eyes he says : " Thank God 1 "
When he goes to receive pay-
ment of a debt, he takes witnesses
with him. In the winter season
he quarrels with his slave because
cucumbers have not been provided.
He forces his children to wrestle
and to run until they fall into
a fever. When he is roughing it
in the country and himself cooks
the vegetables, he puts salt in the
pot twice and so makes the dish
impossible. When it rains and
others declare that the sky is
darker than pitch, he exclaims :
" How sweet it is to consider the
stars 1 " And if he is asked, what
is the mortality of the city, —
how many bodies have passed
through the Sacred Gates, — he
replies : " Would that you and I
had as many."

28

Characters of Theophrastus

X The Surly Man

(^AvddSeLo)

S

URLINESS is sullen rudeness
of speech. The surly man
is one who, when you ask
him, "Who is that gentleman?"
retorts " Don't bother me ! " and
when you greet him on the street
refuses to return your salutation.
When he has anything for sale,
he will not tell the purchaser
what he charges, but instead in-
quires, " How much do I get for
it?" When one would show him
some attention and sends him a
gift for the holidays, he says he
is not in need of presents.

He accepts no excuse when by acci-
dent you smutch his clothes, or
push against him in a crowd, or
chance to tread upon his foot.
If you ask for his contribution to

Characters of Theophrastus

some object, he refuses to make
one, though afterwards he may-
bring it around, declaring, how-
ever, that he 's throwing the
money away. Sometimes he
stumbles in the street, and then
he curses the stone that tripped
him up.

And he's not a man to tarry many
minutes for a friend who has
an appointment with him. Sing-
ing, declamation, and dancing are
amusements for which he has no
taste ; and it 's exactly like him
to refuse to join even in prayer
to the gods.

30

Characters of Theophrastus

XI "The Superstitious Man

(^AeccnBai/JLovLo)

SUPERSTITION Is a crouch-
ing fear of unseen powers.
The superstitious man is the
sort of person who begins the
day only after he has sprinkled
himself, washed his hands with
holy water, and taken a sprig of
laurel in his mouth. If a weasel
cross his path, he will not got
a step further until some one
else has crossed, or until he has
thrown three stones over the way.
If he sees a snake in his house,
he prays to Sabazius ^ (provided
it is a copperhead) or, if it be
a sacred serpent, he straightway
builds a shrine upon the spot.

1 A Thracian and Phrygian deity, whose worship
was introduced at Athens in the fifth cen-
tury. Sabazius represented the active powers
of nature, and hence was often identified with
Dionysus.

31

Characters of Theophrastus

As he passes by the consecrated
stones at the cross-roads, he pours
oil on them from his flask, falls
on his knees, and prays before he
goes further. If a mouse should
gnaw through a leather flour-bag,
he goes to the seer and asks what
he shall do. If the seer bids him
give the bag to the cobbler to be
sewn up, he pays no heed to
him, but goes his way and offers
up the bag as a holy sacrifice.

He is given to purifying his house
often by religious rites and insists
it is haunted by Hecate. When .
he takes a walk and hears an owl (
hoot, he is terrified and cries out :
" Athena ! thine is the power ! "
and so walks on. He wilLnot*
step on a grave, nor go u£^ a \
corpse, nor to a woman in con-
finement, but says it is not well
to risk pollution. He orders

- his domestics to mull the wine on
32

Characters of Theophrastus

the fourth and seventh of the
month, while he goes out and
buys myrtle, incense, and holy
cakes ; on his return he spends
the livelong day in crowning the
images of Hermaphroditus.

When he has had a vision, he goes
to the soothsayer, the seer, or the
augur, to ask to what god or
goddess he must pray. He goes
to the Orphic mysteries to be
initiated into them. You will be
sure to find him amongst the
people who frequent the beach to
besprinkle themselves. Every
month he goes there with his
wife, or if his wife is busy, then
with the nurse and children.

If he observes any one at the cross-
roads crowned with garlic, on his
return he washes himself from
head to foot, summons a priestess,
and gives orders to celebrate rites
3 33

Characters of Theophrastus

of purification either with an
onion or a small dog. When-
ever he sees a madman or an
epileptic, he shakes with terror
and spits in his bosom.

34

Characters of T'heophrastus

XI I The Thankless Man

(M.efd.yjnfjLOLp Co)

T

HANKLESSNESS is an

improper criticism of what
one receives. The thankless
man, when a friend has sent him
something from his table, says to
the servant who brings it, " He
grudged me a dish of soup and a
cup of wine, I suppose, and so
would n't invite me to dinner."
When his sweetheart kisses him,
he says, " I wonder if you really
do love me so in your heart.**

He blames Zeus, not for raining,
but for not raining before. When
he picks up a purse in the street,
he says, " But I never found a
treasure!** If he secures a slave
at a bargain after long dickering
with the owner, he says, " I ima-
gine I haven*t got much at this
35

Characters ofTheophrastus

price." To the person who brings
the glad tidings that a son is born
to him, he retorts, " If you only
add, ' And half your fortune 's
gone,' you '11 hit it."

When he wins his case in court and
secures a unanimous verdict, he
abuses his attorney for having
omitted many points in his brief.
When his friends make him up a
purse, and wish him joy, " Why
so ? " he exclaims. " Is it because
I shall have to pay you all back
and be grateful into the bargain,
as though you had done me a
favor ? "

36

Characters of Theophrastus

XIII The Suspicious Man

(^A-TnaTva)

S

USPICION is a kind of belief
that everybody is fraudulent.
The suspicious man is the sort
of person who sends a servant to
market and then sends another
to watch him and find out the
price he pays. When he carries
the money himself, he sits down
every hundred yards and counts
it over. Afters he is in bed he
asks his wife whether she locked
the chest and shut the cupboard,
and whether the hall-door bolt
was pushed well in. If she an-
swers "Yes ! " he gets up, never-
theless, and lights a lamp ; naked
and barefoot he goes around
and examines everything. Even
then he finds it hard to go to
sleep. When he goes to collect
interest, he takes witnesses along,
2>7

Characters of Theophrastus

lest his debtors deny the claims.
He has his cloak dyed, not by the
best workman, but by the fuller
who can furnish good security.
If any one asks the loan of a
wine-set, he prefers not to lend it;
but if a member of his family or
a near relative wants it, he makes
the loan ; yet he scarcely does
so until he has had it assayed and
weighed and has received a guar-
antee for its safe return. He
orders his footman not to fall
behind him, but to go in front so
that by watching him he may pre-
vent his running away. If a pur-
chaser has bought goods of him
and says : " Charge the amount
to me ; I have no time now to
send the money," he replies :
" Do not trouble yourself about
it ; when you have finished your
business, I will go with you and
get my pay."

38

Characters of Theophrastus

XIV The Disagreeable
Man

CA.r,S{a)

D

ISAGREEABLENESS we

may define as a kind of
conduct which is annoying,
although it may not be injurious.
The disagreeable man will go to a
friend and wake him out of a
sound sleep to have a talk with
him. He detains passengers who
are on the point of embarking;
others who have come to see him
he bids wait until he has taken
his walk. He takes the baby
^ from its nurse, chews its food for
it and feeds it, dandles it on his
knee while he cooes to it and calls
"^ it "Papa's little rascal!"

At table he tells the company how
he once took hellebore and was
39

Characters of Theophrastus

physicked through and through,
and how his bile was blacker
than the soup on the table. And
he asks before the family : " I
say, mammy, what day was it
when you were confined and I
was born ? " He says he has
cool cistern water at his house
and a garden full of tender vege-
tables ; that his cook is a perfect
chef^ and that his house is a regular
hotel, for it is always full of com-
pany, and his guests are like leaky
sieves, — do the best he can, it is
impossible to fill them.

When he gives a dinner he exhibits
his jester and shows him off be-
fore the company. To enliven
his guests over their cups, he says
that further pleasures have been
arranged for them.

40

Characters of Thepphrastus

XV The Exquisite

(MLKpO<j)L\OTlfJL{a)

E

XQUISITENESS is a striving
for honor in small things.
The exquisite when invited
to dinner, is eager to sit by his
host. When he cuts off his son*s
hair for an offering to the gods,
no place but Delphi will answer
for the ceremony. His attendant
must be an Ethiopian.^ When
he pays a mina^ of money he
makes a point of offering a freshly
minted piece. If he has a pet
daw in the house, he must needs
buy it a ladder and a brazen
shield, that the daw may learn to
climb the ladder carrying the
shield.

1 Among the Athenians, Ethiopian slaves were

evidently highly prized.

2 About ^i8 of our money.

41

Characters of Theophrastus

When he has sacrificed an ox, he
winds the head and horns with
fillets, and nails them up opposite
the entrance, in order that those
who come in may see what he
has been doing. When he pa-
rades with the cavalry, he gives
all his accoutrements to his squire
to carry home, and throwing back
his mantle stalks proudly about
the market-place in his spurs.
When his pet dog dies, he raises
a monument to the creature, and
has a pillar erected with the in-
scription : " Fido, Pure Mal-
tese." ^ In the Asclepieion^ he
dedicates a brazen finger,^ pol-
ishes it, crowns it with flowers,
and anoints it every day with
oil.

1 This breed of dogs is still known to dog-fanciers.

^ The temple of Asclepios (Aesculapius).

^ Fingers or hands of marble or metal were

common among the Athenians as votive

offerings.

42

characters of Theophrastus

And he has his hair cut frequently.
His teeth are always pearly white.
While his old suit is still good, he
gets himself a new one ; and he
anoints himself with the choicest
perfumes.

In the agora he frequents the banker's
counters. If he visits the gym-
nasia, he selects those in which
the ephebi^ practise; and, when
there 's a play, the place he
chooses in the theatre is close
beside the generals.

He makes few purchases for himself,
but sends presents to his friends
at Byzantium, and Spartan dogs
to Cyzicus, and Hymettian honey
to Rhodes ; and when he does
these things, he tells it about the
town. Naturally, his taste runs

^ Young men between eighteen and twenty years
of age, who were in training for the duties of
citizenship.

43

Characters of Theophrastus

to pet monkeys, parrots, Sicilian
doves, gazelles* knuckle-bones,
Thurian jars, crooked canes from
Sparta, hangings inwrought with
Persian figures, a wrestling-ring
sprinkled with sand, and a tennis-
court. He goes around and offers
this arena to philosophers, soph-
ists, fighters, and musicians, for
their exhibitions ; and at the per-
formances he himself comes in
last of all, that the spectators
may say to one another, " That 's
the gentleman to whom the place
belongs.'*

And, of course, when he is a prytanis ^
he demands of his colleagues the
privilege of announcing to the
people the result of the sacrifice ;
then putting on a fine garment
and a garland of flowers, he ad-

* One of the committee of fifty which, in rotation,
were charged with the administration of affairs
at Athens.

44

Characters of Theophrastus

varices and says : " O men of
Athens, we prytanes have made
sacrifice to the mother of the
gods ; ^ the sacrifice is fair and
good. Receive ye each your por-
tion." When he has made this
announcement, he returns home
and tells his wife all about it in
an ecstasy of joy.^

L Cybele.

'' A portion of Character XIX has been incorpo-
rated here, as belonging more fitly in this
connection.

45

Characters of Theophrastus

XVI The Garrulous Man

G

ARRULITY Is incessant
heedless talk. Your garru-
lous man is one, for instance,
who sits down beside a stranger,
and after recounting the virtues
of his wife tells the dream he had
last night, and everything he
ate for supper. Then, if his
efforts seem to meet with favor,
he goes on to declare that the
present age is sadly degenerate,
says wheat is selling very low,
that hosts of strangers are in
town, and that since the Dionysia^
the weather is good again for
shipping ; and that, if Zeus would
only send more rain, the crops
would be much heavier, and that
he 's proposing to have a farm

1 The festival of Dionysus.

46

Characters of Theophrastus

himself next year ; and that life 's
a constant struggle, and that at
the Mysteries ^ Damippus set up
an enormous torch ;^ and tells how
many columns the Odeon has,
and " Yesterday,'' says he, " I had
an awful turn with my stomach,"
and " What day 's to-day ? " and
" In Boedromion ^ come the Mys-
teries, and in Pyanopsion^ the
Apaturia, and in Poseideon^ the
country Dionysia,'* and so on ;
for, unless you refuse to listen,
he never stops.

The religious celebration held in honor of

Demeter (Ceres).
Ancient works of art often exhibit representations

of votive torches. They are usually depicted

as wound with serpents.
Various months of the Attic year.

47

Characters of Theophrastus

XVII The Bore

(AaXta)

WE may define a bore as a
man who cannot refrain
from talking. A bore is
the sort of fellow who, the mo-
ment you open your mouth, tells
you that your remarks are idle,
that he knows all about it, and if
you *11 only listen, you *11 soon
find it out. As you attempt to
make answer, he suddenly breaks
in with such interruptions as :
" Don't forget what you were
about to say" — "That reminds
\ me" — "What an admirable thing
talk is ! " — " But, as I omitted to
mention " — " You grasp the idea
at once " — "I was watching this
long time to see whether you
would come to the same conclu-
sion as myself." In phrases like
this he 's so fertile that the person
48

Characters of Theophrastus

, who happens to meet him cannot
even open his mouth to speak.

When he has vanquished a few stray-
victims here and there, his next
move is to advance upon whole
companies and put them to flight
in the midst of their occupations.
He goes upon the wrestling
ground or into the schools, and
prevents the boys from making
progress with their lessons, so
incessant is his talk with the
teachers and the wrestling-masters.

If you say you are going home, he 's
pretty sure to come along and
escort you to your house.

Whenever he learns the day set for
the session of the Assembly he
noises it diligently abroad, and
recalls Demosthenes*s famous bout
with Aeschines in the archon-
ship of Aristophon. He mentions,
too, his own humble effort on a
4 49

Characters of Theophrastus

certain occasion, and the approval
which it won among the people.
As he rattles on he launches in-
vectives against the masses, in
such fashion that his audience
either becomes oblivious or begins
to doze, or else melts away in the
midst of his harangue.

When he 's on a jury he 's an ob-
stacle to reaching a verdict, when
he's in the theatre he prevents
attention to the play ; at a feast
he hinders eating, remarking that
silence is too much of an effort,
that his tongue is hung in the
middle, and that he could n't
keep still, even though he should
seem a worse chatterer than a
magpie ; and when he 's made a
butt by his own children, he sub-
mits, — when in their desire to
go to sleep they say, " Papa, tell
us something, in order that sleep
may come."

50

characters of Theophrastus

XVIII The Rough

(^Attovolo)

ROUGHNESS is coarse con-
duct, whether in word or act.
The rough takes an oath
lightly and is insensible to insult
and ready to give it. In char-
acter he is a sort of town bully,
obscene in manner, ready for any-
thing and everything. He is
willing, sober and without a mask,
to dance the vulgar cordax^ in
comic chorus. At a show he goes
around from man to man and
collects the pennies, quarrelling
with the spectators who present
a pass and therefore insist on
seeing the performance free.

He is the sort of man to keep a
hostelry, ^ or brothel, or to farm

1 A lewd dance.

2 Inn-keepers were In ill-repute in antiquity.

51

Characters of Theophrastus

the taxes. There is no business
he considers beneath him, but he
is ready to follow the trade of
crier, cook, or gambler. He does
\ not support his mother, is caught
at theft and spends more time
in jail than in his home. He is
the type of man who collects a
crowd of bystanders and ha-
rangues them in a loud brawling
voice ; while he is talking, some
are going and others coming, with-
out listening to him ; to one part
of the moving crowd he tells the
beginning of his story, to another
part a sketch of it, and to another
part a mere fragment. He regards
a holiday as the fittest time for the
full exhibition of his roughness.

He is a great figure in the courts
as plaintiff or defendant. Some-
times he excuses himself on oath
from trial but later he appears
with a bundle of papers in the
52

Characters of Theophrastus

breast of his cloak, and a file of
documents in his hands. He en-
joys the role of generalissimo in
a band of rowdy loafers ; he lends
his followers money and on every
shilling collects a penny interest
per day. He visits the bake-
shops, the markets for fresh and
pickled fish, collects his tribute
from them, and stuffs it in his
cheek.

S3

Characters of "Theophrastus

XIX The Affable Man

(^ApeaKeLo)

A

FFABILITY is a sort of
demeanor that gives pleas-
ure at the sacrifice of what
is best. The affable man is the
kind of person who hails a friend
at a distance, and after he has
told him what a fine fellow he is,
and has lavished brimming ad-
miration on him, seizes both his
hands, and is unwilling to let
him go. He escorts the friend a
step on his way, and as he asks
" When shall we meet again ? "
tears himself away with praises
still falling from his lips.

When summoned to court he wishes
to please not merely the man in
whose interest he appears, but his
adversary too, that he may seem
to be non-partisan ; and of stran-
54

Characters of Theophrastus

gers he says that they pronounce
juster judgment than his towns-
men. If he's invited out to
dinner he asks his host to call in
the children, and when they come,
he declares they 're as like their
father as one fig is like another,
and he draws them toward him,
kisses them, and sets them by his
side. Sometimes he joins in their
sports, shouting " Strike ! " and
"Foul!"; and sometimes he lets
them go to sleep in his lap in
spite of the burden.-^

1 The remainder of the Greek text of this char-
acter has been thought to belong more
properly with <<The Exquisite,'' No. XV.

55

Characters of Theophrastus

XX "The Impudent Man

(BSeXvpca)

I

MPUDENCE is easy to define;
it is conduct that is obtrusively
offensive. The impudent man
is one who, on meeting respect-
able women in the street, insults
them as he passes. At a play, he
claps his hands after all the rest
have stopped, and hisses the play-
ers when others wish to watch in
silence. When the theatre is still,
he suddenly stands up and dis-
gorges, to make the audience look
around. When the market-place
is crowded, he steps up to the
stalls where nuts, myrtle-berries,
or fruits are for sale, and begins to
pick at them as he talks to the
merchant; he calls by name
people whom he does n't know,
and stops those intent upon some
errand. When a man has just
56

Characters of Theophrastus

lost an important case and is now
leaving the court, he runs up and
tenders his congratulations.

He buys his own provisions,^ too, and
hires his own musicians, showing
his purchases to every man he
meets and inviting him to come
and share the feast. Again, he
takes his stand before a barber's
booth or a perfumer's stall, and
proclaims unblushingly his in-
tention of getting drunk.

1 To do one's own marketing was considered a
sign of niggardliness; hence such business
was ordinarily delegated to slaves.

57

Characters of Theophrastus

XXI The Gross Man

G

ROSSNESS is such neglect
of one's person as gives of-
fence to others. The gross
man is one who goes about with
an eczema, or white eruption, or
diseased nails, and says that these
are congenital ailments ; for his
father had them, and his grand-
father, too, and it would be hard
— to foist an outsider upon their
family. He 's very apt to have
sores on his shins and bruises on
his toes, and to neglect these
things so that they grow worse.

His armpits are hairy like an an-
imal's for a long distance down
his sides ; his teeth are black and
decayed. As he eats, he blows
his nose with his fingers. As he
talks, he drools, and has no sooner
58

characters of Theophrastus

drunk wine than up it comes.
After bathing he uses rancid oil
to anoint himself; and when he
goes to the market-place, he
wears a thick tunic and a thin
outer garment disfigured with
spots of dirt.

When his mother goes to consult
the soothsayer, he utters words
of evil omen ; and when people
pray and offer sacrifices to the gods
he lets the goblet fall, laughing
as though he had done something
amusing. When there 's playing
on the flute, he alone of the com-
pany claps his hands, singing an
accompaniment and upbraiding
the musician for stopping so soon.

Often he tries to spit across the
table, — only to miss the mark
and hit the butler.

59

Characters of Theophrastus

XXII The Boor

QKripoiKia)

B

OORISHNESS is ignorance
of good form. The boor is
the sort of man who takes
a strong drink and then goes to
the Assembly. He insists that
myrrh has not a whit sweeter
smell than onions. His boots
are too big for his feet and he
talks in a loud voice.

He distrusts even friends and kins-
men, while his most important
secrets are shared with his do-
mestics, and he tells all the news
of the Assembly to his farm
hands. Nothing awakens his ad-
miration or startles him on the
streets so much as the sight of
an ox, an ass, or a goat, and then
he stands agape in contemplation.^

^ *' Hee is sensible of no calamitie but the burn-
ing of a stacke of come or the overflowing
60

Characters of Theophrastus

He Is the sort of man who
snatches a bite from the pantry
and drinks his liquor straight.

He has clandestine talks with the
cook and helps her grind the meal
for his household. At breakfast
he throws bits to the animals
about the table. He answers the
knock at the door himself and
then whistles for his dog, takes
him by the nose, and says:
" Here 's the keeper of my house
and grounds ! " When a man
offers him a coin he declines it,
saying it is too worn, and takes
another piece in its stead.

After loaning a plough, basket, sickle,
or sack, he goes after it, unable
to sleep for thinking of it. When
he goes to town he inquires of

of a medow, and thinks Noah's flood the
greatest plague that ever was, not be-
cause it drowned the world, but spoyl'd the
grasse." Earle's Micro-cosmographiey " A
Plaine Country Fellow."
6i

Characters of Theophrastus

any chance passer-by : " What
are hides selling for ? What 's
the price of bacon ? Does the
celebration of New Moon come
to-day ? " Then he remarks he
must go down street and have
his hair cut, and while in town
must also run into the shop of
Archias and buy the bacon. He
sings in the public baths and
wears hob-nailed boots.

62

Characters of Theophrastus

XXI 1 1 The Penurious Man

(^A-vekevdepCa)

PENURIOUSNESS is the
grudging of expense and is
due to great love of money
and little love of honor. The
penurious man, after a victory on
the tragic stage, sets up a wooden
chaplet to Dionysus, on which he
inscribes his own name. If con-
tributions from the public are
asked for, he is silent or rises and
quits the company. When he
gives his daughter in marriage, he
sells the sacrificial oflFerings, ex-
cepting the parts that belong by
law to the priests. At the wed-
ding, he employs only servants
who will eat at home.

As trierarch ^ he takes the pilot's
blankets and spreads them on

1 Commander of a galley.

63

Characters of Theophrastus

deck for himself, while he puts
his own away. He is the sort of
man who keeps his children from
school when a festival comes, and
makes excuses for them on the
plea of ill-health, that he may-
avoid the fee for tuition.

When he goes to market, he brings
the meat home with him, carry-
ing the vegetables in the folds of
his cloak. He stays indoors
when he sends his tunic to the
cleaner. If he catches sight of a
friend coming towards him and
soliciting contributions, he sneaks
off through a by-street and goes
home by a roundabout way. He
employs no maid for his wife,
although she brought him a
dowry, but hires a child from the
woman's market to accompany
her on her errands.

He keeps his patched shoes until they
are twice worn out, saying they
64

Characters of Theophrastus

are still good, and tough as horn.
When he gets up, he dusts the
house and makes the beds, and
when he sits down he lays aside
the coat he is wearing in order
to spare it.

65

Characters of "Theophrastus

XXIV The Pompous Man

POMPOUSNESS is contempt
for everybody save one's self.
If you have urgent business,
the pompous man will tell you
that he will meet you after dinner
on his walk. If he has done you a
favor, he reminds you of it. When
elected to office he declines, say-
ing under oath he has no leisure.
He is not disposed to make the
first call on anybody. Trades-
men and hired men he orders to
come to him by daybreak.

As he passes along the street, he does
not greet the men he meets ; he
lowers his eyes and when it suits
him raises them again. If he
entertains friends he does not dine
with them, but instructs some of
his underlings to attend to the
duties of entertainment.
66

Characters of Theophrastus

He sends a messenger ahead when
he makes a call, to say that he
approaches. He allows no one
to enter while he is at his oil-rub,
his bath, or his dinner. When
he is casting an account, he in-
structs a slave to set down the
items, foot up the total, and ar-
range it in a statement for him.
He does not write in a letter:
" You would do me a favor," but
" I want this done," and " I have
sent for this and wish to have it,"
and " See to it that my orders are
followed precisely," and " Have
this done immediately."

67

Characters of Theophrastus

XXV The Braggart

(^ AXa^oveCd)

B

RAGGING is pretending to
have excellences that one
does not really possess. The
braggart is the man who stands
on the wharf and tells the by-
standers how much capital he
has invested in ships at sea, and
tells how extensive is his busi-
ness of loaning money, and how
much he has made and lost by
different ventures. As he talks
thus magnificently, he sends his
slave to his banker, where he has
— exactly one shilling to his
credit. On a journey he imposes
on his travelling companion by
telling him that he once served
with Alexander, and how intimate
were their relations, and how
many jewelled cups he brought
back from his campaigns.
68

Characters of Theophrastus

As regards the Asiatic artists, he
counts them better than those in
Europe. And all this he tells
you without having once set foot
outside his native city. He claims
further to have three letters from
Antipater^ bidding him come to
Macedonia; but he declares that,
though he has been guaranteed the
privilege of exporting wood free
of duty, he has refused to go, sim-
ply to avoid being suspected by
his fellow-citizens of foreign lean-
ings. The Macedonians, he says,
in urging him so to come, ought
to have considered this point.

In time of famine, he says, his expen-
ditures for the poor amounted to
over five talents ; for he had n't the
heart to refuse. When he 's with
strangers, he often bids some one
place the reckoning counters on

1 A general of Alexander. Upon Alexander's
death he became king of Macedonia.
69

Characters of Theophrastus

the table, and computing by six
hundreds and by minae, glibly
mentioning the names of his pre-
tended debtors, he makes a total of
twenty-four talents, saying that the
whole sum had gone for voluntary
contributions, and that, too, with-
out including subscriptions for the
navy or for other public objects.

At times he goes to the horse-
market where blooded stock is
for sale, and makes pretence of
wanting to buy ; and stepping
up to the block, he hunts
his clothes for two talents, up-
braiding his servant for com-
ing along without any money.
Though he lives in a rented
house, he represents it to those
who do not know as the family
homestead ; yet adds that he
thinks of selling it as being too
small for the proper entertain-
ment of his friends.
70

o

Characters of Theophrastus

XXVI "The Oligarch

LIGARCHY IS a love of
power that clings tightly to
personal advantage. The
oligarch rises in the people's
councils, when assistants to the
archon are elected for the man-
agement of a fete, and says :
" These men must have absolute
control." And although others
have suggested ten, he insists
that one is enough, but he must
be a man. The only line of
Homer that stays in his memory
is : " A crowd's rule is bad ; let
there be one ruler." He knows
no other verse. He is, however,
an adept at such phrases as this :
"We must hold a caucus and
make our plans ; we must cut
loose from mob and market ; we
must throw aside the annoyance
71

Characters of "Theophrastus

of petty office and of insult or
honor at the masses' whim ; we
or they must rule the state."

At midday he goes out with his
mantle thrown about him, his
hair dressed in the mode and his
nails fashionably trimmed ; he
promenades down Odeon Way
ejaculating : " Sycophants have
made the city no longer habit-
able. What outrages we endure
in court from our persecutors !
Why men nowadays go into office,
is a marvel to me. How un-
grateful the mob is ! although
one is always giving, giving."

If, at the Assembly, a naked,
hungry vagabond sits next to
him, he complains of the out-
rage. "When," he asks, "is a
stop to be put to this ruin of
our property by taxation for fetes
and navy ? How odious is this
crew 'of demagogues ! The-
72

Characters of Theophrastus

seus," he says, " was the fore-
front of all this offending, for
out of twelve cities, he brought
the masses into one, to overthrow
the monarchies. He met his
just reward, — he was the first
to fall a victim at their hands/'
This is the way he talks to for-
eigners and to citizens of his own
temper and party.

73

characters of Theophrastus

XXVII The Backbiter

B

ACKBITING is a disposition^
to vilify others. When
the backbiter is asked
" Who is so and so ?" he begins,
like the genealogists, with the
man's ancestry. " His father's
name was originally Sosias , ^ but
amongst the soldiers it became
Sosistratus, and upon registra-
tion in the deme, it was again
changed to Sosidemus. His
mother was a Thracian, — gentle
blood ! you see. At any rate this
jewel's name was Krinokoraka.
Women of that name are of gentle
blood in Thrace, so people say !

^ ** Scandal, like other virtues, is in part its own
reward, as it gives us the satisfaction of mak-
ing ourselves appear better than others, or
others no better than ourselves." Benj.
Franklin, Works, ed. Sparks, II., p. 540.

2 Apparently a slave's name.
74

Characters of Theophrastus

The man himself, with an ancestry
like that, is a foul fellow fit for
the whipping-post." In a com-
pany where his companions are
maligning a man, he of course
takes up the attack and says :
" For my part I hate him of all
men. He is a bad character, as
one may see from his face, and
as for his meanness, it has no
parallel and here is a proof: His
wife brought him a dowry of
talents of money and yet after the
birth of their first child, he gave
her but three pence a day for
household expenses and forced
her to bathe in cold water on the
festival of Poseidon in mid-
winter." When he is seated
with a group, he loves to talk
about an acquaintance who has
just risen and gone, and his biting
tongue does not spare even the
man's kinsfolk. Of his own rela-
tives and friends, he says the
75

Characters of Theophrastus

vilest things and even maligns
the dead. Backbiting is what he
calls frankness of speech, democ-
racy, and freedom ; and there is
nothing he enjoys so much.

76

A

Characters of Theophrastus

XXVIII The Avaricious
Man

VARICE Is greedy love of
gain. When the avaricious
man gives a dinner, he puts
scant allowance of bread on the
table. He borrows money of a
stranger who is lodging with him.
When he distributes the portions
at table, he says it is fair for the
laborer to receive double and
straightway loads his own plate.
He engages in wine traffic, and
sells adulterated liquors even to
his friend. He goes to the show
and takes his children with him,
on the days when spectators are
admitted to the galleries free.
When he is the people*s delegate,
he leaves at home the money pro-
vided by the city, and borrows
from his fellow commissioners.
77

Characters of Theophrastus

He loads more luggage on his
porter than the man can carry,
and provides him with the
smallest rations of any man in
the party. When presents are
given the delegates by foreign
courts, he demands his share at
once, and sells it. At the bath
he says the oil brought him is
bad, and shouts : " Boy, the oil
is rancid ; '* and in its stead takes
what belongs to another. If his
servants find money on the high-
way, he demands a share of it,
saying : " Luck's gifts are com-
mon property.'* When he sends
his cloak to be cleaned, he bor-
rows another from an acquain-
tance and keeps it until it is
asked for. He also does this
sort of thing : he uses King Fru-
gal's measure with the bottom
dented in, for doling out supplies
to his household and then se-
cretly brushes off the top. He
78

Characters of Theophrastus

sells underweight even to his
friend, who thinks he is buying
according to market standard.

When he pays a debt of thirty
pounds, he does so with a dis-
count of four shillings. When,
owing to sickness, his children
are not at school the entire month,
he deducts a proportionate
amount from the teacher's pay ;
and during the month of Anthes-
terion he does not send them to
their studies at all, on account of
the frequent shows, and so he
avoids tuition fees. If he re-
ceives coppers from a slave who
has been serving out, he demands
in addition the exchange value
of silver. When he gets a state-
ment from the deme's^ adminis-
trator, he demands provision for
his slaves at public cost.

1 The deme was a local division.
79

Characters of Theophrastus

He makes note of the half- radishes
left on the table, to keep the
servants from taking them. If
he goes abroad with friends, he
uses their servants and hires his
own out; yet he does not con-
tribute to the common fund the
money thus received. When
others combine with him to give
a banquet at his house, he se-
cretly includes in his account the
wood, figs, vinegar, salt, and
lamp-oil, — trifles furnished from
his supplies. If a marriage is
announced in a friend's family,
he goes away a little beforehand,
to avoid sending a wedding pres-
ent. He borrows of friends
such articles as they would not
ask to have returned, or such as,
if returned, they would not read-
ily accept.

80

Characters of Theophrastus

XXIX The Late Learner

THE late learner has a fond-
ness for study late in life.
He commits whole passages
of poetry to memory when sixty
years of age ; but when he essays
to quote them at a banquet his
memory trips. From his son,
he learns " Forward march ! "
" Shoulder arms ! " " 'Bout face ! "
At the feast of heroes he
pits himself against the boys
in the torch-race ; and of course
when he is invited to the
temple of Hercules, he throws
aside his mantle, and makes
ready to lift the steer, that he
may bend back its neck. He
goes to the wrestling-grounds
and joins in the matches.
6 8i

Characters of Theophrastus

At the shows he stays one perform-
ance after another until he has
learned the songs by heart. If
he is dedicated to Sabazius, he is
eager to be declared the fairest ;
if he falls in love with some dam-
sel, he makes an onset on her
door, only to be assaulted by a
rival and hauled before the court.
He makes a trip to the country
on a mare he has never before
ridden, and, essaying feats of
horsemanship on the road, he
falls and breaks his head.

He joins a boys* club too, and en-
tertains the members at his house ;
he plays " ducks and drakes "
with his servant, and competes
at archery and javelin-throwing
with his children's tutor, and he
expects the tutor, as though ig-
norant of these sports, to learn
them from him. He wrestles at
the baths, turning a bench nimbly
82

Characters of Theophrastus

about to create the impression
that he has been well trained in
the art ; and if women happen to
be standing near, he trips a dance,
whistling his own music.

S3

Characters of Theophrastus

XXX The Vicious Man

{^LXoTTOvrjpia)

V

ICIOUSNESS is love of
what is bad. The vicious
man is one who associates
with men convicted in public
suits, and who assumes that, if
he makes friends of these fellows,
he will gain in knowledge of the
world, and so will be more feared.

Of upright men, he declares that
no one is by nature upright,
but that all men are alike, and
he even reproaches the man
who is honorable. The bad
man, he asserts, is free from
prejudice, if one will but make
the trial, and, while in some
respects he admits that men speak
truly of such a man, in others
he refuses to allow it. " For,'*
says he, " the fellow is clever,
84

Characters of Theophrastus

companionable, and a gentleman;"
in fact, he maintains that he never
met so talented a person. He
supports him, therefore, when he
speaks in the assembly or is de-
fendant in court, and to those
sitting in judgment he 's apt to
say that one must judge not the
man, but the facts ; and he de-
clares that his friend is the very
watch-dog of the people, " for he
watches out for evil-doers " ; and
he adds : " We shall no longer
have men to burden themselves
with a care for the common weal,
if we abandon men like him."

It's the vicious man's way to
constitute himself the patron of
all worthless scamps and to sup-
port them before the court in des-
perate cases ; and, when he passes
judgment, he puts the worst con-
struction on the arguments of
the opposing counsel.

85

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